I hit a wall this past weekend. I was plugging along, working on my goals for the new year, and, suddenly, I became frozen with fear.
What if I don’t accomplish everything on my list? Or even half my list? Or, worse, what if I actually do all of these things and fail?
Have you ever felt that way? It happens to all of us from time to time. We’re taking a risk, pursuing our passion, when we find ourselves gripped with fear. Fear of ridicule. Rejection. Or failure. We set the bar so high (overachieving), or so low (underachieving), that it’s impossible for us to climb over or under. We get stuck and we do what is possible. Nothing.
Fear is a given. It’s inherent in anything that pushes our limits. Yet each of us is surprised when it appears out of nowhere and draws us into its icy grip.
So how do you become unfrozen? By living in the tension. That’s right. Sit in it. Feel it. Embrace it. Have a little faith. And then push through it.
I know how difficult this is to do. I have a huge fight and flight response. When I’m threatened by fear or discomfort, my first impulse is to run and hide. But with increased self-awareness and lots of practice, I’ve learned to recognize and name what I’m afraid of. Often what I think I’m afraid of is only the symptom of a deeper fear. For example, I may be afraid to write a blog post. But my greater fear, if I stop and ponder it, is that I won’t write well and that people will respond negatively or not read it at all.
A trusted mentor taught me a great technique for facing my fears. First, think of what it is you’re afraid of. Then imagine the worst thing that could happen if your fears are realized. Then ask yourself if you could survive. The answer is, of course, almost always yes. This little exercise has helped me over the years to push through my fears and move past them.
When we face our fears this way, they diminish, and we see them for what they are. They may be real, but we only give them power by holding on to them.
So the next time you’re caught in the grip of fear:
- name it
- imagine the worst possible outcome
- realize you will survive it, and perhaps even learn something from it
- push through it by doing the next thing.
If you’re on the path to pursuing your passion, you will meet up with fear along the way. When that happens, remember to live in the tension. As writer and blogger Jeff Goins reminds us, “The cost of not pursuing a dream is greater than the cost of failure.” So release that grip and get going!
How do you overcome fear? Feel free to share your thoughts, below.
Laura:
Thanks for yet another inspirational post! 🙂
I’m currently reading Helen Rettig’s 7 Secrets of the Prolific: The Definitive Guide to Overcoming Procrastination, Perfectionism, and Writer’s Block (http://www.amazon.com/The-Secrets-Prolific-Procrastination-Perfectionism-ebook/dp/B006J7BZ8E). It addresses precisely what you’ve discussed in this post, i.e., overcoming and facing our fears so that we are the most productive artists we can be.
I’m terrified of beginning a second book. Will folks read it? Do they care? Will they compare it with Saffron Cross? Will they say, “she should have stopped with the first one”?
Your and Helen Rettig’s words are like having a lifecoach by my side each day. You’ve given me (and many of us) strength and courage to move past our fears and into our dreams.
Thank you!
Dana
Thanks so much Dana! I’m excited to learn about Hillary and I’m now following her on Twitter. And thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am friends with New York Times bestselling author Jan Karon, and she always said that it got harder each time to write a book because of the pressure of “besting” the last one. I have those same thoughts with blogging. And, yet, if you and I keep writing (which we darn well will!) we have to set those thoughts aside and press on.
I look forward to walking with you through this journey you’re on of “next.” We’re blessed, doing what we love. Let’s keep our eyes fixed and continue to encourage each other along the way!
Take care, Laura
Helen is actually “Hillary.” So much for perfectionism! 🙂
The 7 Secrets of the Prolific: The Definitive Guide to Overcoming Procrastination, Perfectionism, and Writer’s Block by Hillary Rettig.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Secrets-Prolific-Procrastination-Perfectionism-ebook/dp/B006J7BZ8E
I think writing is in some ways like acting when it comes to the ego. We fear people not liking it and criticism. The product becomes part of us and so very personal that negative comments hit us at a deeper level. My solution is to write what I want to write and I’ve found that people will like it or not and that’s ok. I’m interested in pleasing myself. I have also found that my writer’s block results when I’m trying to write something that isn’t ready to see the keyboard yet. Usually something else wants to come first. Good luck.
Thanks for sharing, Annie. I couldn’t agree more. It’s important to write for your readers without getting hung up on trying to please them. Yes, our writing does have a life of its own. We need to listen to what it’s trying to say to us. And sometimes it says “wait.”
I learned that lesson the very hard way which is why it took me 10 years to complete my PhD. Live and learn. Good post.
I’m so proud of you for completing your PhD. Way to defy small, girlfriend!
Pingback: Rise & Shine Interview: Laura Whitfield - Arianna's Random Thoughts
Thank you for this post. It is timely and encouraging to me as I prepare to actually publish a blog post. Have blog. Have several posts written. Can’t quite put my finger on why I have not simply plunged in, but after reading your post, I have some ideas about the limiting thoughts that I have allowed to run rampant in my mind. And how I can attack them and keep them at bay at least until I have a couple of posts published. There is simply not a good enough reason not to post. Now I just have to keep telling my self that fear, doubt, and unworthiness are not good enough reasons to not get started. This article encourages me to do just that.
I’m glad it was helpful, Lois. The most recent (and best advice) I’ve ever heard about dealing with fear came from Liz Gilbert. She says that whenever we attempt to put our work out into the world, fear will show up. Instead of trying to push it away, she says we should invite it along for the ride; it just can’t be in charge. It cannot take the wheel. It cannot tell me where to go. But it’s welcome to come along. Best wishes on your new blog. Please email me when it’s published so I can follow along.